A thing called love

I want to be loved and cared for by the one my heart loves and needs. I always want her to stay. I want to be enough. I want to make her happy. I want to be all she needs me to be. I fail. I’m human and I fail. I try. God knows I try. But it isn’t always enough, can’t be enough. A love like this is new because I’ve never felt it so deep. I try to learn. To watch and pay attention. I try to grow and be the best me I can be. I don’t want to lose what I have. I don’t want to lose her because I’m not enough. I don’t want to lose her because of illness. I don’t want to lose her because others keep trying to get in the way. I can’t lose her. She has become my everything in every way. I beg God to hear the prayers I cry and to help. He doesn’t always hear and doesn’t always respond. But she’s still here. She’s still alive when so many have tried to kill her. So He does hear some of my prayers. For now, I just keep trying, keep staying, and loving with everything in me.

Some promises

I promise to give my all in all I do.

I promise to always stay.

I promise to help you stay.

I promise to work on me, to be the best me I can be.

I promise to say I’m sorry when I do wrong.

I promise to listen.

I promise to try to be all you need.

I promise to help you to heal.

I cannot promise you it’ll never rain, but I can promise to hold your hand through the storms and be there to share the sunshine and the rainbows.

Photo credit: thepassionists.org

I fell in love with my best friend

You hear it all the time. People become so close to their best friend and end up falling in love. I never thought that would happen for me. I actually had given up on love all together. I was once married. That didn’t go as planned…but I do have my son from that time. She was also once married…to a narcissist… But she got her children from that.

Over the last two and a half years, we have been through a lot together. Her divorce and the abuse and stalking that has followed. We’ve dealt with people wanting to rip our friendship from us, trying to turn us against each other, and playing games. All done for her ex’s benefit to try and still control her life.

But here we are. Falling more and more in love. Getting closer. Getting stronger. Moving forward. She loves me like I need to be loved. She shows me her love daily. She calls it being needy, but I need exactly what she gives me. She’s dealt with a lot of trauma, but we work through it together. She’s learning who she is and helps me to do the same. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, more loved than I could imagine possible. She’s perfect for me and I’m thankful that our paths crossed and lead us to where we are.

I fell in love with my best friend. She is my wife in every way.

A New Start

Life isn’t easy and starting over is rough. One morning you are going along with your life, having the same routines over and over again when something happens and you have to change what you’re use to. It’s a process. First, your mind has to wrap around it. “Okay, we are not doing this the way we did it yesterday.” It usually takes a few times for it to finally be wrapped around… “No, it’s changed. We do it this way now…” “Gosh, this is frustrating, but I’m going to get the hang of it….” “Patience is not my strong point…” “Oh, look at that. It’s getting easier. I’m doing it this way now.” “Look at me go!”

I’m sure many of you understand where I’m coming from. It could be a new job. It could be you’re going through a divorce. Or maybe someone in your life passed away. It all involves changing what you are use to. It usually doesn’t just involve those changes, but also a great deal of emotions. There’s uncertainty. There’s questioning. The biggest question is usually “how am I going to do this?” But day by day, you do it. You get through it. There might be a support system that helps you through while others are faced to handle the challenges alone.

New starts might start as feeling like a curse and turn into a blessing. The unknown, the uncertainty of what’s to come will be short-lived. I hope for every new start you face, you’ll find the blessing within.