The Greatest Gift

You probably wouldn’t think the greatest gift you could give yourself is forgiveness, but I find it to be true. Forgiveness isn’t easy. I know when I mess up, I often spend a lot of time beating myself up and criticizing myself for my mistakes. When you think about it, what does that do? It makes us feel worse, defeated, and like failures. We are humans and we are going to make mistakes. It makes more sense to be gentle and move forward. I know I wouldn’t yell at a child for making an error. I would try to explain what went wrong and how to make sure things go better the next time. I should offer myself that same kindness and patience.

Another aspect is forgiving myself for the things I didn’t know. I have no way of knowing peoples’ motives or intentions. I have opened myself up, been kind and helpful, and got burned by people. I was burned by people I thought were good friends and by family. I didn’t ask to be used or hurt, but the problem wasn’t me. It was them. For a long time I didn’t want to offer forgiveness for anything. I learned forgiveness isn’t about being okay with what was done. It’s about no longer holding on to the anger and hurt and choosing to move forward. If I didn’t want to be stuck in the cycle of questioning why people found enjoyment in my pain, I had to forgive.

I took to hoping karma would find people with evil intentions and give back to them all they have done to others and then some. This was part of my own healing process. I couldn’t believe God or the universe would allow these people to get away with the things they have done. It wasn’t fair to watch people living life as if they didn’t have a care in the world because they were busy trying to destroy other people. I wanted them to pay. And hurt. I just realized by wanting these things, I was not moving forward. I wasn’t healing. And I wasn’t forgiving.

My mind has decided the way I am to grow is to let it all go. If things are meant to find them that shows them the things they have done aren’t okay, that’s not on me to send their way. It’s on me to heal and protect my own energy with positivity. Wishing karma isn’t positive. I think some of these people are cold, cruel monsters. They will never change no matter what. So why waste my energy hoping karma hits them? I can do so much more with my energy. Some of them may have been hurt themselves and have found comfort in hurting others. I know. That doesn’t make sense probably, but some people struggle to heal from their own traumas. I hope the people who have been broken and hurt so severely they chose to hurt others find peace. I hope they are someday able to fight their own demons and find their place in this world where they can forgive.